A female age 51-59, anonymous writes:

Hello guy and girls.My question is how do i stop feeling lonely? I have a great net work of friends and am an independent single female who has never met the right man for me. I would love to have companionship but as i have gotten older the chances have gotten scarcer in meeting men. I simply dont seem to attract the opposite sex. Some of my friends have split up with their partners but have always been the ones who attract men and have moved on but here i am 43 never been married and am now caring for my disabled mother fulltime and holding down a full time job aswell. Does anyone know how to feel content by themselves without longing to feel attractive and worthy of a male companion? I dont want to feel lonely any longer and accept that i will always be single?

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A female reader, oldbag +, writes (5 June 2012):

HiYou have alot on your plate, working full-time and caring for your Mum. You must get weary of the responsibility and want to share your life with somebody special. Why accept that you will be single forever, your hardly past it and touching 90! Oh and singledom has ALOT of plusses dont forget.If you want to be attractive to men, well BE attractive. Have a long hard look at yourself and your friends. Whats the difference between you? Is it time to shake yourself up and treat yourself, to a new wardrobe,new look, new outlook?Think of programmes like Gok Wan and the before and after effect. Ask your friends to join in helping create a new you! Make it fun.It can be done.When your glowing with confidence and glammed up you will attract men. Dont give up.Even though you have commitments you must always have time for you, try to get help with your mum from family or Social Services, re-plan her schedule too so she goes out with a club maybe at the weekend. Just re-organise your life bit by bit. Enjoy and good luck xxxx

A reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2012):

Why would you try and accept something that’s negative or deny you something you want? I understand why, to stop the crushing loneliness, but unfortunately our minds don’t work that way. Now I’ll quite simply never understand why people hate being single so much. I loved being single. I loved the freedom of only thinking for one, of having no responsibility for anyone else’s happiness or needs. It was always so refreshing and relaxing. The reasons why for me were simple though. Firstly I never felt unattractive or unworthy and I’m far from an Adonis and secondly I’ve always had dogs. I quite simply never feel lonely with my dogs around, 100% loyalty and affection 24/7, except when they’ve gone to bed of course at which point they don’t appreciate being disturbed. Look OP you’re not the first person that has come here looking for a way to trick your mind into accepting that its okay to be unworthy, ugly and destined to be alone, it’s not going to happen though. The mind wants accept good things, it’s basic instinct. It will never accept that you’re ugly because it knows that’s not true, it will never accept that you will be alone forever because it yearns for companionship and it’s not going to take no for answer. The only way to ease this from your mind is to improve the situation. To improve yourself and your situation in a way that makes you happy with you. Feel you have too much extra weight? Then work out and lose that. Feel you haven’t time to develop relationships because of your mom? Then start getting to know guys online. OP we humans are built for progress, not stagnation and our minds just will not accept that or allow us to get too comfortable never doing anything about our desires. If you cooked a meal and it taste like crap would you decide to never cook again? Would you just cook that meal the same way every time and accept it’s disgusting? Why not? Because that would take the fun out of eating and it quite simply would make no sense to keep eating something that can easily be made better by experimenting with different ingredients. It’s only logical isn’t it? Well it’s time to experiment with different ingredients OP, it’s time you did things to improve your life byadding new things to your life. New people and new experiences. OP your mind will never be happy in stagnation it has needs and it will plague you to meet them so just go about improving that bit by bit. Find ways to build up your confidence and meet guys. It’s not hard it just takes patience and the willingness to take risks. It’s far, far harder to try and accept what you’re trying accept. It goes against the very core of who you are and the life you want to have.

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