Why You Shouldn’t Fear Being ‘Single Forever’

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is a licensed psychologist, licensed marriage and family therapist, board-certified coach, AAMFT clinical supervisor, host of the Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast and founder of Growing Self.

Will I be single forever?

As a therapist and a dating coach, I’ve heard this question more times than I can count. The quest to find true, enduring love is a formidable one, and there are many pitfalls along the way. From dating emotionally unavailable people, being betrayed, or simply getting your heart broken, I know that dating can feel difficult or even impossible at times. It’s enough to make anyone question whether they’re doomed to be single forever.

But what if, counterintuitively, overcoming the fear of being single is the secret sauce to finding meaningful connections? I would argue that that’s the case. Let’s explore how embracing your singleness might just pave the way for a love story that transcends your expectations.

Embracing Your Independence

One of the first steps in conquering the fear of being single forever is flipping the narrative. Instead of viewing singlehood as a void waiting to be filled, see it as a canvas inviting you to paint whatever you want. When you’re not in a relationship, you have total freedom to explore your interests and passions. You can pursue personal growth without the constraints of a relationship.

I don’t say any of this to diminish the real hardships that can come with single life. It’s valid to feel lonely or to feel sad about being single. But not being in a relationship also has its upsides, and someday when you’ve settled down you may just look back at this time as one of the most transformative times in your life. Enjoy it!

Building a Relationship with You

If you fear being single forever, that might be because you’re uncomfortable with solitude. What happens when you’re alone with yourself? Do you have a scary inner critic whose voice grows louder when it’s not covered up by distraction? Or maybe old wounds make themselves known when you’re not merged with another person.

These are things that you only learn about yourself when you’re on your own. The discomfort you feel with being single may be an opportunity to heal and grow in ways that will help you feel more content with your life, whether or not you’re in a relationship. Doing this work helps you build a profound, intimate connection with yourself. You can build a solid foundation of self-love and self-esteem that will set you up to enter new relationships from a place of strength and empowerment, not fear.

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Eliminating Desperation

The fear of being single can lead to desperation, which casts a dark shadow over your dating life. It can drive you to choose unhealthy relationships, because anything feels better than being on your own. Or, it can cause you to show up in your relationships in ways that are inauthentic, because keeping the relationship going at all costs feels like the number one priority. You may settle for less than you deserve rather than discerning. Discernment acts as a filter, allowing only those who align with your values and vision to enter your romantic sphere.

When you face the fear of being single forever, you strip away the desperation and approach dating with a sense of calm assurance. This confidence is highly attractive for the right kind of person, drawing in potential partners who are equally secure and ready for a genuine connection. That’s exactly who you want to connect with!

Cultivating Patience

Patience is a virtue, especially when you’re dating. It takes time to get to know someone and decide whether or not it’s a compatible match. But when you’re afraid to be on your own, you’re more likely to rush into relationships, force things that aren’t right, or not take the time you need in between relationships to fully heal and move forward.

When you stop fearing that you’ll be single forever, you can slow down and enjoy the journey as much as the destination. You can embrace the reality that finding the right person will not solve all your problems — in fact, it will bring new challenges. For now, you get to enjoy the benefits of single life.

What If You Are Going to Be Single Forever?

Now, ask yourself, what if you really are going to be single forever?

Most people do eventually find a life partner if that is their heart’s desire. But the truth is, some don’t. Others find “happily ever after” only to have the relationships end in divorce. Others are happily married for 20 years, then lose their spouse to an illness and afterward spend many years on their own.

There are a million ways your life could unfold, with or without a partner. You still have to answer that all important question, what do you want to do with your limited time? What do you want your life to be about? What mark do you want to leave on the world?

Being single forever may seem like a scary possibility. But I think a worse outcome would be not allowing yourself to feel happy and fulfilled just because you haven’t met The One yet. Don’t spend your life this way. Enjoying this precious time may very well help you date more successfully, but that’s just the cherry on top.

I hope you found this helpful. If you would like support from an experienced dating coach who can help you navigate the complexities of love and singledom, I invite you to schedule a free consultation with one of the relationship experts on my team.

With love,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

P.S. — For more advice on creating meaningful, loving relationships, check out my “Dating Advice” collection of articles and podcasts.

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